When you meet a man who takes your breath away – what is it about him that strikes your heart? His passion? His looks? Each of us is different and responds to different stimuli in ways it is sometimes hard to understand. I guess if we knew more up front, it might save us a lot of heartbreak. I suppose since I am not attracted to any one type of person, it makes it easy to be “interested,” but it is more than that. The need for meaningful connection is the spark for me. I know it the minute it happens and I wait to see the rest of the story unfold. Will he be attracted to me? If so, how? Sexually?
I spent the weekend with 12 guys in an athletic event this past weekend. Almost 27 intense hours of togetherness – sometimes intense, but man you sure do begin to understand a person better when you see them in this light.
There was raw emotion, physical pain, hilarious antics and bonding on all sorts of levels. I couldn’t help but be fascinated by these guys. Their quirks and traits – their “stories” – were all fascinating to me.
And there was heat. Hard to be a bi guy with a bunch of straight men without thinking about sex – though nothing happened and even if it were in the offing – tough to initiate much less consummate.
I began to think how lucky I am to be able to experience men and women on a variety of levels. Sure sex and intimacy are wrapped up in that – but it is more than that as well. Friendship, intimacy, desire – humbling and beautiful at the same time. Connection.
A young guy I spoke with after the event at the post-party mentioned to me that he hopes one day “to be as generous as I am.” I was profoundly moved by that -- by his innocence and sincerity.